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This has nothing to do with Star Trek DVD sales,
but few funny jokes related to Star Trek Enterprise crew
(rest of this post on lightbulbs on
http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/strange/lightbulbs.html)
Q: How many members of the U.S.S. Enterprise does it take to change a
light bulb?
A: 7. Scotty will report to Captain Kirk that the light bulb in the
Engineering Section is burnt out, to which Kirk will send Bones
to pronounce the bulb dead. Scotty, after checking around, notices
that they have no more new light bulbs, and complains that he can't
see in the dark to tend to his engines. Kirk must make an emergency
stop at the next uncharted planet, Alpha Regula IV, to procure a
light bulb from the natives. Kirk, Spock, Bones, Sulu, and 3 red
shirt security officers beam down. The 3 security officers are
promptly killed by the natives, and the rest of the landing party
is captured. Meanwhile, back in orbit, Scotty notices a Klingon ship
approaching and must warp out of orbit to escape detection.
Bones cures the native king who is suffering from the flu, and as
a reward the landing party is set free and given all of the light bulbs
they can carry. Scotty cripples the Klingon ship and warps back to the
planet just in time to beam up Kirk et. al. The new bulb is inserted,
and the Enterprise continues with its five year mission.
And now for three more versions of the story just for good measure : -
(OS versions)
A: Six-Scotty to get on the intercom when the light goes out and say
"I canna do it, Cap'n! These bulbs are stoon dead", Spock to tell
Kirk he is proceeding illogically, McCoy to say "They're BURNED-OUT,
Jim!" and "Dammit Jim-I'm a doctor not an electrician!!", Kirk to
screw it in, and two red-shirt security men to die in the process.
A: All of them. Bones to say "Its dead Jim", Uhura to send a distress signal,
Sulu to listen to Chekov saying "Light bulbs vere really an old russian
invention", Spock to be fascinated by the illogic inherent in the early
demise of the light bulb, Scotty to do the work, and Kirk to get the girl.
A: (long version)
The Enterprise is transporting a stuffy, pompous Federation diplomat
to a crucial peace conference when the bulb burns out. Scotty rigs up
some odds and ends that will keep it burning for twenty-four hours
but they need to get a replacement in that time. So the ship makes an
emergency detour to Alpha Regula IV, the nearest planet with any
known light bulb stocks. However, when Kirk, Spock, McCoy and three
security men beam down, a Klingon ship appears, so Scotty warps the
Enterprise out of orbit. Meanwhile, on the planet, two of the
security men are killed by a sentient energy field and the other dies
when a native throws a poisoned spear at him. Kirk, Spock and McCoy
are taken prisoner by the natives, who mistakenly assume them to be
in league with the energy field which has been killing them, too.
Kirk realizes that they have tons of light bulbs which could be
useful to the Federation, so he attempts to communicate with the
chief, who agrees to let Kirk have the light bulbs if he survives a
duel with the tribe's greatest warrior. In a rough, tough and bone
crunching fight, Kirk wins at the last minute. In gratitude, the
chief allows him to sleep with his daughter, who has fallen in love
with him. McCoy cures his wife of her chronic illness and delivers
her baby. As they celebrate, the energy field appears and is about to
kill everybody when Spock uses a mindmeld to convince it the tribe is
not a threat. Meanwhile, in space, Scotty has resisted the entreaties
of the diplomat to fall for the Klingons' phony peace ploy, violating
Federation law when he overrules him, but later the diplomat is
convinced when Scotty fights them off, and at the last minute, he
returns to orbit and beams up the landing party, who now have all the
light bulbs the Federation needs. After the last commercial break,
they screw it in, and then Kirk, McCoy and Spock sit together on the
bridge and make philosophical/humorous comments about what just
happened. That stock shot of the Enterprise flying off into the
starfield appears, and the episode ends.
Entire post on lightbulbs is here.... http://www.eyrie.org/~thad/strange/lightbulbs.html
